Last night a friend and I were just laying around, and naturally, we were bored looking for something to do.  As we browsed the internet, we stumbled upon something that I somehow managed to slightly forget about: my Barbe videos.  You know… the videos that resulted from my tradition of bringing a video camera to high school for one day at the end of each school year.  What came from my need for sediment was always a funny video that depicted the life of high school through my eyes.  Well, as I watched them last night, memories came flooding back as my friend and I constantly yelled out names of old friends that had somehow been lost through our crazy post high school lives.  I began to remember everything… where I would eat lunch, who I hung out with, my teachers, everything.  As I stared in awe, I thought about what it would be like to go back to high school with my current state of mind, with the things I know, with my current maturity.  Think about it.  No worrying about fads.  No trying to impress.  Intelligence would reign instead of popularity.  Nonetheless, I couldn’t help but be impressed with my videos, even over four years later.  What I found especially interesting was the fact that as early as my freshman year of high school, well before I had any remote interest of attending the tradition-rich Texas A&M, I was set on forming my own tradition.  Isn’t it funny how things come together so elegantly like that?

The following video is a Memories video I put together at the end of my sophomore year of high school.  If you have been tagged, then you are somewhere in this video.  Watch it and try to find yourself!

Here is the link to the video: http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=6367495391210287361#

First of all, congratulations to my sister for graduating high school.  Congratulations to her for making it through the high school drama, the stress, and the heartbreak.  Today, I stood up in Burton Coliseum as I watched Lisa walk with her fellow graduates into the coliseum and receive her diploma.  I couldn’t but help think about the things I have learned since I felt the surreal feeling of walking along the same path as her.  I’d like to offer just a little bit of advice to my new graduated sister:

Don’t let other people’s words dictate what you really want to do.  You will soon realize in college that instructions, opinions, and even demeaning monologues will be thrown at you from every single direction.  Some people will look at your dreams and without even knowing it, try to crush them.  Don’t let them. Yes, sometimes it will become unbearable, but you absolutely must remember that they don’t really know what you want.  Only you know that.  Don’t let your convictions go… because without them, what do you really have?

Work hard.  I don’t simply mean do all of your homework, study for all your exams, go to a review session here and there.  Working hard is so much more than that.  It’s wanting to succeed and doing everything in your power to facilitate that success.  If you find an interest, don’t just tell yourself that it’s interesting.  Investigate it, learn more about it.  Enjoy what you learn but also learn what you enjoy.  Attending class and studying can only take you so far.  Your heart and your desire to succeed will make you soar.

Lastly, open your mind, but open it with care and surround yourself with the right things—the right people, the right organizations, the right information, the right experiences.  College will be the one and only place where you will be surrounded by everybody and everything, anything imaginable is possible.  What a shame it would be to waste your time not absorbing every bit of experience you possibly could.  However, you will soon find that these new experiences embed themselves within you and become a part of you very quickly.  Choose them wisely. Just use your logic, follow your heart, and you won’t have anything to worry about.

With all that said, go out and conquer the world.  Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t because you can.  You’ll have to work hard, but I know you will because your experiences will reflect it.  Congratulations!

So here I am.  After two years of college, I’m half way there, apparently.  I’ve been through my fair share of the college life.  Drunken parties, all-nighters, stupid things that only a couple roommates could think of… the works.  I’ve made my grades, made my memories, made my bed (okay, not really), and yet here I am.  Emotionless, yet nostalgic.  Quite a funny feeling.  Maybe it’s the way the summer has slowly begun or maybe it’s what I’ve lost over the past year, but I feel weird.  I feel in transition, but I don’t know what I’m transitioning to.  Lord knows how anxious I become when things are not set in stone.  Anxiety anxiety, go away.  Come again another day.  If only…

I’ve really been waiting for the summer to really begin.  I start my internship soon, and I am assuming that I will be so heavily involved in work that I won’t have time to think about anything else, a sufficient antidote to my lack of sensation at the moment, but perhaps not the right one.  Regardless, it must commence.  Until then, I only hope that I make my days as productive as possible.  Or maybe that’s the problem…

A walk is a most powerful tool.  A brief stroll through a familiar place can bombard you with so many feelings and take the shape of so many different memories.  It’s almost as if it forms into its own spirit, uplifting you at certain times but grounding you at others.  I took one of these nice, peaceful walks last night as I had tiredly finished up my studying, and as I walked around campus, memories started to flood my mind.  Overflow, I thought, as tears began to build up.  The truth is, college has been amazing.  So many new experiences have resulted, friendships formed, exams taken (mostly dominated), knowledge absorbed, integrity heightened, the list proceeds indefinitely.  But yet, why was I tearing up?  Why was the sight of such a magical university making me feel sad and emotional?  I knew the answer almost as soon as I asked myself.  I’ve been drifting through it. Despite all of the new experiences, countless memories, and new friendships, it hasn’t resulted from my all.  Maybe not even 75%.  I’ve been slowly floating through my first two years of college, and even with all of the amazing things that have occurred, it’s time I give it my all.  It’s time that instead of just awaiting my time to shine, I create it, and I stop drifting through what is supposed to be the best years of my life.  That walk didn’t just allow me to relax from a day of studying.  It wasn’t just so I could reminisce.  It was so much more than that.  It represented two years of Aggieland.  Two years of reflection.  It symbolized my awakening, my realization that I need to change.  It was, and is, my inspiration.  Now I must take it and light up the rest of the path for my future and well-being depends on it.

So here I am again, in the library, energy drink in one hand, pencil in the other.  For one reason or another, I’ve once again been overcome with anxiety, and now I find myself needing more strength than ever.  Over the past week, I’ve spent an endless amount of hours with my head in a book, studying my butt off for my upcoming finals.  ”I need a break,” I thought as I forced myself out of my car in the library’s parking lot.  Ironically, my break from life is exactly where I am right now—in the library.  But now I’m faced with a dilemma.  What do I do when I need a break from something that I typically do to take a break?  I’ll admit, it’s getting to me.  The anxiety is getting worse and now I am so eager for Wednesday to be here, I’d do anything.  Truth is… I need a reboot.  I need a refreshment that is my upcoming Summer.  The past year has been a chunk of anxiety mixed with some good times and a hint of chaos.  I’d much rather it be pure stability.  I’m hoping next year will be.  Right now, I simply must remind myself that everything will work out as it always does.  All I must do is survive four more days.  Four more days, and I’m finished.  I can do this…