The One Post a Day Project

Well, as always, my desire to go back to Aggieland is as strong as ever.  The second I leave that place, I miss it.  I wonder if I’ll be able to survive graduating…

My time back home has been enjoyable, to say the least.  To my deep relief, I managed to secure a 4.0 this semester, which was a much bigger accomplishment than you may think.  When I think back on the semester, I’m kind of proud of myself.  I did accomplish a lot, particularly in increasing my emotional health, which is part of why my 4.0 was so important to me.  I secured an internship.  I made new friends.  Oh, and I should mention that I witnessed the Fightin Texas Aggie football team play an amazing season and tie for the Big 12 South.  Let’s just say that my Aggie pride was at a high this past semester.  Of course, I always find room for personal improvement and have planned accordingly (just in time for a New Years resolution).

I’ve also been thinking a lot about work, lately.  I came home on a Thursday evening, one day after my last final, and Friday morning I was back working at Sasol.  Sure, I was tired and slightly mentally exhausted, but that didn’t deter me from taking advantage of the opportunity to further my work experience and earn some extra cash.  But man, I am going to be working 10-hour days for the rest of my life, and let me tell you, going to work at 7:45 in the morning and coming home at 6:30 in the evening takes everything out of you.  Sometimes I wonder how everyone else does it.  And then I ask myself, “Why in the heck do I want to jump into this cycle as soon as I can?”  Seems kind of stupid, doesn’t it?  Why not enjoy life as much as possible.  Of course, we cannot discredit the fact that I love working (or at least I think I do), but it’s that very characteristic that I am questioning.  This sort of thinking leads my mind in several directions, and my thoughts never really converge.  The only converging thought I always lead myself back to is this:  Does it make me happy?  As long as the answer is yes, I think I’ll be okay.  Still… I can’t help but question.

Right now—all I must focus on is having a swell Christmas.  Merry Christmas to everyone!

I’m proud that I have the determination to do whatever it takes to better myself.  I’m proud that I try to take advantage of every opportunity, every  possibility, every opening in life.  I’m proud that I work my butt off, and I’m proud that I can say with only my own efforts.  I’m also proud of the friends and family that have helped me through the rough roads of adversity.  What am I the most proud of?  My motivation to succeed in whatever I do.  My drive.  I would do whatever it takes to make sure that I have the success that I want in life… success defined only by me.  But you know what?  No matter how tough life became, I would never stoop so low as to accept money from an entity that forces others to help me.  I would accept help from willing people, through volunteerism, through true compassion, but I would never, ever, want to freely ride off of the success of others without their permission.

…now if only the rest of the nation had the same attitude…

Well, finals are over for all my chemical engineering classes.  I ripped ‘em to shreds.  Now, all that’s left is my quantitative analysis final, which, ironically will my toughest one (even though the material is waaayyy easier than, say, fluid mechanics…).  I must admit, the eagerness to be finished here is really making me itch.  I can literally taste the success; it’s right at my fingertips.  Just gotta keep my cool for a few more days. 

On a side note–I attended my first Aggie basketball game of the season.  We beat Washington (No. 21), and the spirit revived my excitement for Fightin’ Texas Aggie Basketball!  Still, it’s a lot tougher this year transitioning from football mode to basketball mode considering how well our football team did this season (and how I still cannot get over the magic that was the Nebraska game).  Gig’em!

I am again turning to inspiration to help me get through this stressful time.  There is a question that has been stressing me out lately.  The question?  Will I achieve straight As this semester? As more of a stress-inducer than you think, achieving this means more to me than simply being able to hear a “good job!” from my parents.  The last time I was able to somehow muster up enough focused energy to see nothing but the letter A on my grade report was my freshman year.  Oh, I remember that semester so vividly.  Dorm room, not enough space on my desk, Heldenfels, memorizing 125 homework problems for Hardy’s exams, late-night study sessions in honors o-chem.  I remember how focused I was, and how much I enjoyed the constant adrenalin rush of infinite preparation.  Somehow, I was able to produce nothing short of pure concentration and dedication.  I got my energy from the desire to continue.  However, as unfortunate events tend to occur quite often, I have since been unable to reproduce those results.  Somehow, I have let life’s adversities get the best of me.  However, now I have finally created the opportunity again, a chance to achieve the part of me that’s been locked deep within, trying to break free.  To achieve this again would symbolize my recovery, my comeback.  Let me tell you, after a year that can only be described by the words anxiety and more anxiety, I need this.  Every ounce of me really needs this.  Interestingly enough, I discovered a new song yesterday that has inspired me to truly believe in myself as I begin these last few days of finals.  After all, when you consolidate all the worries, all the difficulties, all the negative voices eating your insides away, it really all boils down to this:  Just believe you can succeed.  As the song says: “I found out I can do the impossible.”  So, as I walked home today, I caught myself saying, “You know what?  I’ve got this.”